Mind Games

Ahhhh... I love mind games. Really, I am kidding. But that is what these runs are starting to become. First of all, I wake up to thunderstorms at 5:00am, fall back to sleep only to wake up on my own at 6:15. It was still raining and that means I can't run outside. It was REALLY coming down too. So, I laid in bed for about 30 minutes hoping to fall back to sleep. My mind was just racing on what to do. If I can't run outside, then I will run on the treadmill upstairs for 10 miles. I can't start running in the gym until 8am since the people who live below the gym just moved in and don't like the pounding. The gym has always been there so if you didn't like it, you shouldn't have bought it....sorry, that is a rant for another day. So, I would love to go back to sleep for an hour but I keep thinking about how I just want to get this run out of the way. I checked the TV stations and they said that the weather this morning is, "wait and see". So, there is a possibility that it will clear up and a possibility that it will rain off and on. I got up and checked the windows and it looked like it was easing up. With that on my mind, I couldn't just go back to sleep. I would hate for it to clear up and I missed an opportunity to run outside. I sat in the kitchen eating my banana and keeping my eyes peeled on the sky. It was still raining at 7:15 and I decided that I would do my run upstairs in the gym. I got dressed, rubbed myself down in body glide and put my new running socks on. For a moment, I felt like an experienced runner. :D I kissed the kids good bye and woke Greg up to watch them. They had already snuggled into the bed with him and started to watch cartoons. I was off.

I started to walk the stairs to warm up but I became winded and decided that I needed to conserve my energy at the task on hand. I jumped on the elevator on the fourteenth floor. Yes, I only walked up 6 flights of stairs. My mind decided at that moment that I am not cut out to be an athlete. I tried to focus on what I was about to attempt but the sappy old music system had me humming to "careless whisper" by George Michael. I jumped off the elevator and was in the gym at 8:05. No one was there. This pleased me. I jumped on the east treadmill since that one doesn't automatically shut down after 32 minutes. I hit play on my IPod and I started my long run.

My IPod has many songs but over half of them are crap. I need to reformat my song lists. But I do have one saved play list that is better then ok and less then great. My play list features: Uninvited by Alanis Morissette, I'm a Slave 4 U by Britney Spears, The Power of Love, A New Day, It's All coming back to me, That's the way it is by Celine Dion, Fix You by Coldplay, Here with Me by Dido, Escape, Hero and Don't turn off the lights by Enrique Iglesias, Unwell and Back to Good by Matchbox 20, All You Wanted by Michelle Branch, You wanted more by Tonic and All I Want by Toad the Wet Sprocket. I just realized that the last three songs are different forms of WANTING. I guess that is pretty fitting because when I get to these songs I just WANT to be done. I try to find myself listening to the songs and not thinking about the sweat streaming from my pores. But I am not going to sugar coat this, it was hard to run in one spot with my IPod. With each song, I knew where I would be if I were running outside. And looking out the window 20 minutes into my run I could see I should have sucked it up and ran outside. It didn't look so great in the beginning but it was clearing up. I kept thinking in my mind that if I just run 5 miles on the treadmill, I could jump off and run downstairs and run another 5 outside. But then when I got to 5 miles I thought, the elevator will take forever to get here and I will have to ride it down 28 floors, probably with other people all the while I was drenched with sweat. So I pressed on. I then thought, maybe I should just run 7 miles on the treadmill and 3 outside. I run three miles outside during the weekdays and it is easy enough. And then as 7 miles came up I realized that I was making awesome time. It took me 69 minutes to run 7 miles and the treadmill stopped. It went into cool down mode. Whoever heard of a treadmill quiting after 69 minutes or 7 miles? So, my great pace was suddenly stopped and I had to reset the treadmill. I did all this while taking a few drinks from my water bottle. I started up again and felt glad that I didn't try to go outside as my legs started to feel tight in those 30 seconds of resetting the treadmill.

Those last 3 miles were hell! I slowed my pace down to 5.8 and felt as if I was finally waking up. I am not sure if my body clicked on some sort of endorphins that mimic caffeine but I felt like my eyes were wide open. I began to wonder if I was overdoing it and then I started thinking that if 10 miles was this tough how the heck am I going to do 12.2 more in 13 weeks. I also decided that I will not run another marathon in my life after this one. I was glad that I only had 3 miles left but they felt like a lot longer then the previous 7 I had just ran.

I had made great time running on the treadmill. I was running at 6.2 which was almost at my pre injury pace and a bit faster then running outside with the elements. I ran 10 miles in 100 minutes which is 1 hour and 40 minutes. Last weekend, running with Greg I ran 9 miles in 1 hour 35 minutes. So overall, I did really well. I also had no injuries and no pain. I made sure that I iced my legs after my run. The anti chafing stick worked as I had no wounds. The running socks were ok. They took the sweat from my feet and I think pooled it into my shoes. That is how it felt to me half way into the long run. I will still use them and hope that this is a just getting used to them feeling. :)

In conclusion, I did it. It was not fun and it was not terrible all the way through. I feel great NOW knowing I can do it but a few moments I really questioned my sanity. I think there are going to be many more mind games between me and my inner me. I am beginning to think inner me is the most logical one. The stubborn me says stick to this goal and complete it. The inner me says that I am a nut case. So far, nut case is winning.